Loving self – an alternative path II

Loving self – an alternative path II

Last week we started out on an exploration of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model for developing and loving self. This is being presented as an alternative approach to strategies that seek to help women attain happiness by listing a series of things they should do to find a suitable male companion.

We suggest a shift from equating your happiness to the presence of a male companion in your life. We invite you instead to enter a state of sustainable joy that is linked to unconditional love of yourself. Please note, loving self is a healthy practice and is by no means to be confused with being selfish.

In our look at the G and R aspects of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model, we emphasized the value of firm grounding and the importance of monitoring your progress in pursuit of clearly defined goals. Respect for self, for others, for time, for the environment and for God were central to the R zone of the model. This week we explore the O and W aspects of the model.

Open mindedness is the cornerstone of the O zone.
* Try to see the bigger picture. Do not be narrow in your outlook.
* Open your mind to new information. Be hungry for knowledge. Ask pertinent questions. Be inquisitive.
* Put new ideas and your cherished views to the test. Learn to distil facts.
* Pursue self-development. Get the education and training that will prepare you for the attainment of your goals.
* Anticipate and accept change. The only thing you can be sure about is that you will face rapid and frequent change.

It is important that you adopt an outlook that recognizes that traditional ‘book learning’ and academic intellect is not enough. You will have to develop your emotional intelligence. Learn to identify your true feelings and how to channel them into appropriate behaviour. Develop the skill to read and respond to the behavioural styles of other people and push yourself to slip more easily into behaviours with which you may be uncomfortable.

Learn from nature the fundamental truth that diversity is to be celebrated. Think, “not better not worse, just different”. Hone your skills in the areas of your ability to inspire trust and to bounce back from adversity. Embrace empathy, honesty and compassion.

Ugly O’s to avoid include obstinacy – you cannot always have your own way. Then there is objecting without good cause and without having listened first. Do not over-react. Throwing tantrums is not cute. Also, remember that obligations reduce your options. Do not be overly dependent!

Making a meaningful contribution to winning is one of the most important things you can learn to do. Winning covers over a multitude of shortcomings. Many people have tamed their spirit of dominance to the point that they actually fear the prospect of winning. This is sometimes manifested in a deliberate pattern of under-performance. Keep your competitive edge and try to cultivate the habit of doing your very best at all times. Get mentally ready to cope with your attainment of outstanding success.

Your command of words is a major determinant of your success. Even as you learn to use words to express yourself with precision, you need to develop the skill to listen to them effectively. So many of life’s challenges arise from ineffective listening. Take time to appreciate the presence of filters and screens when you communicate. You must also recognize that words represent only a small fraction of the message that you are sending to others. You have to take into consideration your body language, your tone and the position from which others are listening. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Work is the final aspect of the W zone that we will cover. Strive continually to move closer to earning your living by doing something that you find rewarding and satisfying. However, never under-perform in response to low financial rewards. Leave no doubt about your willingness to get the desired results. A tip that will enhance your productivity is to complete a high impact task first thing in the morning and then strive to maintain the momentum.

In the W zone, you need to watch out for the pitfalls of whining. Get proactive and bring solutions to the table. Avoid waste. Money saved is money earned. Aimless wandering is a no go. Make sure you can be found where you are posted.

Next week we will guide you through the T and H zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.



Trevor & Althea Smith

The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions,, including the acclaimed “Success with People” series. E-mail: trevor.smith@extendeddisc.com