Receiving Feedback without Pushback

I will share a simple incident and explore a framework for receiving feedback without pushback. The framework is built on the 7 A’s of Transformation Framework that I introduced the last time I presented.

One morning last week as I made a ‘dash’ to the finish line (my gate) at the end of my morning run I said to my wife that I had just completed a 2K run.

I said “That was a 2 kilometer run.” She said “A 2 kilo-meter run?” I said Yes and she made the distinction as to the separation of the syllables.

From that we extract the first of the 7-steps to Receiving Feedback without Pushback.

#1. Access

We must put ourselves in a position where we can in fact access feedback. We have to open our minds to new information. We will not always be able to identify our faults and areas that need development on our own.

In this instance, it appears that my wife thought that I was open to feedback. By some chance I had got the Access step right.

That is NOT always the case. Many opportunities for improvement are missed because we make it difficult for others to give us feedback.

I do work with organizations and a constant response I get to the question: “So have you said that to your boss/supervisor/colleague?” is “No, that makes no sense because they do not listen.”

All too often we shut the door to feedback and lose the chance for self-examination and improvement.

Going back to my incident, one fleeting thought was: “Hey, you missed the point. You should congratulate me!”

That brings to the fore Step-2 in the framework for Receiving Feedback without Pushback:

#2. Accept

Seek to fully understand the feedback before rejecting it. Accept the potential of any incoming information to be of transformational value.

Proverbs 15:31: He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.

Common reactions to the feedback could include:

“I am an adult I can speak the way that I want”
“Are you my teacher? Why are you correcting me?”
“You are always finding fault with me” and its Jamaican equivalent “You always a fight ‘gainst me”

Truth be told, I was in excellent transformational form and I actually reflected on the feedback. That is Step – 3 in the framework for Receiving Feedback without Pushback. I have allowed Access and I Accepted its potential value now I am going to Assess the feedback.

#3. Assess

I thought milli- meter and centi-meter and in that context kilo-meter made sense.

Be brutally frank and objective with yourself. You have to allow for the off chance that you are not without blemish. It could just be that the reason why you are getting the feedback is because there is room for improvement and it can actually HELP you. This might have a bad taste but it is good medicine!

The Assess step is about self-examination in the light of the feedback. Can I learn something from this feedback to improve my life and the lives of others?

Be careful not to let the source of the information detract from its potential for transformation.

Those who have been engaged in the Bible in a Year might have followed the side discourse about Job and his counsellors.

I presented the suggestion that Job did in fact get some useful counsel from Eliphaz.

Job 4: 3 Think how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands. 4 Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees. 5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed. 6 Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope?

One response was that Eliphaz had no authority to counsel Job. The seeming consensus was that Eliphaz joined the others in attributing sin to Job when God clearly stated that Job was righteous. And finally, God actually condemned the counselors.

Keep your minds open for one minute to learn one of the most important lessons in Receiving Feedback without Pushback.

Among the most prevalent reasons for rejecting feedback are that it comes from the wrong person or that the person’s motives are wrong or that the way they gave the feedback was bad or that the timing of the feedback was wrong or the BIG ONE: If the person giving the feedback knew all the facts they would not be giving the feedback.

All that may or may not be true. However, that does not necessarily affect the potential value of the feedback!

Misguided Eliphaz was able to provide Job with the following pearls: Paraphrasing Job 4:6 “You have been a tower of strength for others. You seem to be discouraged and dismayed that things have gone bad for you. Take confidence from your righteousness and take hope from the fact that you are blameless”

One of the great walls we build to keep out feedback is that the other party does not have all the facts. If they only knew they would not say this or that. Sounds good but are you also closing out valuable feedback?

Another cop out is: “But you do it too. And we ALL do it.” So WHAT?

The people who drank the poison in the Jim Jones mass suicide were ALL doing it. Are they any less dead today? The fact that the giver of the feedback has a 50ft beam in his eye and all of his supporters are hypocrites does NOT detract from the value of the feedback for YOU.

#4. Adjust

So back to the incident, I now had to examine how to use the feedback going forward and that takes us to Step 4 in Receiving Feedback without Pushback. Access>>Accept>>Assess>>ADJUST.

Identify the modifications that are required from the gap analysis.
During the Assess step, I recognized that the issue was with failing to separate the 2 syllables with the kilo word as is done with milli and centi.

The ADJUSTMENT that is required is to separate the syllables.

You allow room for feedback to come in >> You Accept the potential value of the feedback you get >> You Assess yourself in the light of the feedback. Conduct a personal gap analysis >> You make the Adjustment by filling the gaps…by making the necessary corrections…by changing your ways.

This message that I am presenting represents a very helpful step in the framework for Receiving Feedback without Pushback – Step 5. Access>>Accept>>Assess>>Adjust>>ANNOUNCE

#5. Announce

Communicate to others what you have decided to do arising from what you have extracted from the feedback.

Consistently put yourself in a position where you cannot back down (Remember Elijah’s showdown with the prophets of Baal)

By announcing publicly that separating the syllables is logical and the path that I will take, I now put myself in the position of having to follow the practice or risk having someone call my attention to it. That leads us to Step 6. Access>>Accept>>Assess>>Adjust>>Announce>>APPLY

#6. Apply

Let the transforming concepts and principles apply to ALL aspects of your life
– Transformation needs to be all pervasive not compartmentalized

Pursue reinforcing actions

All too often we get valuable information and fail to apply it on a consistent basis.

James 1: 22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

One fortunate development as we go back to the incident is the fact that I spend a lot of time with my wife. So, it means that I will have to consistently separate the syllables or be called out by her. That leads us to the critical Step 7 in Receiving Feedback without Pushback. Access>>Accept>>Assess>>Adjust>>Announce>>Apply>>ALIGN


#7. Align

Align yourself with like-minded persons

Ensure that you put a support group in place - Stay in the middle of the pack.

Build effective networks

Avoid naysayers and negative influences

Learn from experts….people who have been there and mastered the area that you are addressing.

Access>>Accept>>Assess>>Adjust>>Announce>>Apply>>ALIGN

Finally, I want to give you some feedback. If you are not in Christ you run the risk of being lost eternally. The framework for getting into Christ is:

Hear the Gospel message…Christ died for your sins so that you can be reconciled to God. (Rom 10:17)

Believe…that the Gospel message is in fact true act on it. (Rom 10:10)

Repent…decide to change your ways (Luke 13:3)

Confess….announce your acceptance that Jesus is Lord indeed (Rom 10:10)

Be Baptised… for the washing away of your sins (Acts 2:38)

Walk… in the newness of life (1 John 1: 5 -7)