Loving self – an alternative path I

Loving self – an alternative path I

Much interest has been generated by recent publications like "The Rules", a best-seller by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that purport to help females to attain happiness by finding a suitable male companion. There is considerable pressure on our young women to design and implement strategies that will lead to a relationship with a man, ideally ending in marriage. This focus on getting some sort of a relationship in place often pushes young women into making a series of bad choices. We suggest an alternative approach. We believe that the emphasis should be on developing and loving self.

The G.R.O.W.T.H. model that we present in this series provides a pathway to sustainable happiness that is not necessarily tied to having a man in your life. However, the beauty of the concept is that it inevitably produces the qualities that real men want to see in their life partners.

The G.R.O.W.T.H. model starts off with the need for Grounding. You need to get to know yourself and to become more comfortable with the person that you are. You are unique and you should learn to cherish that difference and be proud of yourself. The process of grounding is made so much easier if you use the anchor of a personal relationship with your Creator. This allows you better understand your true value and puts you in a position to be truly amazed by how richly blessed you are. Accept your self worth. Do not allow past experiences and the opinion of others to snatch away the treasures that are yours.

From the solid platform on which you now stand, you can put in place a new vision of the future. The unwavering commitment to yourself and to your future that you make must be directed by clear goals.
* Start the process by preparing a comprehensive list of possibilities.
* Do not eliminate any idea while you are preparing the list.
* Write down the things that you have dreamed about in your private moments.
* Add to that a list of things that you like to do or that you find really interesting.
* Jot down those areas in which you think you can perform better than many others.
* Make a note of anything that people have said that you are good at doing.
* Take time to examine every item on the list carefully, even if the option appears to be highly unlikely on the surface.
* Do not get bogged down by your realities. In all likelihood you are going to have to shake loose from some of them if you are going to soar to new heights.
* Discuss the list with friends and mentors, even at the risk of appearing to have lost your sanity.
* Gather as much information as possible about each item on your list.

On completion of the information gathering exercise (one month?), you need to identify the things that are relevant to the vision that you have for yourself. Write down what you could reasonably stretch yourself to achieve in those areas within specified time frames (3 – 6 months, 12 – 18 months, 3 years, 5 years).

Spell out the things that will indicate that you have achieved your targets. You will also need yardsticks that will help you to know how much progress you are making. Now you are grounded with clear goals that give direction and purpose to your life.

While in the G zone, it is important to avoid the pitfalls of greed, gossiping and goofing off. Any one of these has the potential to derail your plans.

You are now ready to move the R zone of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
* Respect is the cornerstone of this aspect. Respect for self, for others, for time, for the environment, for God.
* Then you are required to take responsibility for your actions and for how life unfolds for you. Blaming others is not a useful practice.
* You should also make every effort to be more responsive. The spirit of volunteerism is dying. Be a willing, caring soul and move to the front of the pack. When the answers to your ‘What’s in it for me?’ questions are linked to benefits to accrue to someone else you know that you are on the right track.
* References play an important role in our lives. The trick is to ensure that wherever we interact with people, we will have given them every reason to present us in a favourable light.
* A central building block of the R zone is reading. Reclaim several hours per week and channel them into reading worthwhile material. Keep abreast of current events, provide spiritual food for your soul and deepen your understanding of topics that are of interest to you.

As you go through this process, you will marvel at how much more interesting and meaningful your conversations have become. By the time you get well entrenched into this phase, you will notice that your interaction with others will have a new edge to it and people may already be making a special effort to be in your company.

Key pitfalls to avoid in the R zone include a spirit that requires revenge. In a world that is degenerating into acceptance of the eye for an eye philosophy, people who are long-suffering and ready to forgive will be very special. Be one of those persons.

Next week we will guide you through the O and W zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.



Trevor & Althea Smith

The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions, including the acclaimed "Success with People" series.