Loving self – an alternative path III
We have been exploring the G.R.O.W.T.H. model for developing and loving self. Loving self is a healthy practice and should not be confused with being selfish. We have emphasized the importance of a firm grounding and clearly defined goals. Respect for others, the environment and God were identified as essential elements of your programme. We pointed to the value of maintaining a positive outlook and being open-minded. We also indicated that your command of words and your ability to listen to them effectively are major steps in your quest for personal development.
Today, we examine the T and H zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model. As we enter the T zone, we highlight the central position of communication as we focus on the nature of your talk. We are admonished in the Scriptures to speak the truth in love. That demands a degree of tactfulness. We must recognize the potential for a verbal assault to produce deeper and more enduring hurt than some physical assaults. In a culture in which, increasingly, the language, tone and content matches the ‘screw face’ of the speaker, your tact will confirm your class.
Your talk with others and with your Creator should be heavily seasoned with thankfulness. People are not fond of ingrates and the readiness to acknowledge the contribution of others is a universally endearing feature. You will notice also that there is a powerful psychic payback that you get from recognizing your blessings and the appreciating just how special you are to others.
We urge you to position yourself to teach. We all have the capacity to present insights that may be helpful to others. Develop an interest in gaining knowledge that you can share. Passing on useful information is a most fulfilling experience.
We cannot leave the T zone without drawing attention to the need to develop your time management skills. There is an angle from which we could regard time as our most fundamental resource and yet it literally here this second and gone the next. Do yourself the favour of completing a log of your time usage for at least a week. We contend that after you deduct sleeping, commuting, eating and hygiene related activities there are two full workweeks available to you each calendar week. Compare your usage of one or both of those shifts to your vision and goals. Are you impressed?
Our final stop in the T zone relates to embracing appropriate technology. You have mastered the use of the wheel to the extent that you no longer think about it. Put yourself on the same footing in the area of Information and Communications Technology. Here is an opportunity in waiting – be ready.
Elements in the T zone to avoid include: temper tantrums, talking down to others, truancy, tearing others down.
We open the doors to the H zone to examine your level of health consciousness. As we get a better understanding of how closely inter-connected mind, body and soul are, the issue of health demands attention. It has direct implication for all your aspirations.
Critically, you must evaluate your current state of health at least once per year with a health care professional. Remember, it is your health and your funds. Do not be afraid to ask questions and to seek alternative opinions. The life you save may be your own. You also need to be hungry for information on proper nutrition and to develop the discipline to eat wisely. Many experts believe that nutrition is at the core of all medical problems.
Your health watch must also include an exercise regime. We suggest that you view your exercise period as an opportunity for bonding with others.
When hope is lost, things fall apart. You must device mechanisms that you will use to fan the flame of hope and drive away the clouds of doom.
Our next task in the H zone is to re-visit some old home truths and to state honestly that honesty is the best policy. There are very many reasons why we fail to adhere to this rule but there is invariably a price to pay and the price is always too high.
We recognize also as the song says that it is hard to be humble when you are perfect in so many ways. However, humility is not synonymous with weakness and we are touched when an obviously powerful individual puts his might under subjection. We have marvelled for 2000 years at the fact that Jesus refrained from using His powers to protect Himself.
We leave the H zone with an appeal for you to try to be helpful. The two fundamental spiritual laws are loving God with all our heart and loving our neighbour as ourselves, where neighbour is defined as any other person. Achieving the second in effect means that whatever we wish for ourselves we should try to make available to everyone else. That’s a challenging thought but you can at least make a serious effort to improve the lot of other people on an ongoing basis. Once again, the twist is that once you get into that mindset your giving will never be able to keep pace with the abundance that you receive!
We encourage you to avoid:
* Hiding behind others - -- do your own bidding.
* Hasty judgement --- be rational and thorough in your decision-making.
* Hassling others --- be a peacemaker not a warmonger.
Don Miguel Ruiz in "The Four Agreements" identifies a major obstacle to loving self. He identifies the prospect of self-rejection that comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. He suggests that you make and keep agreement with yourself. Tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe and how to behave.
Trevor & Althea Smith
The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions,, including the acclaimed “Success with People” series. E-mail: trevor.smith@extendeddisc.com
Thursday, 27 September 2007
Loving self – an alternative path II
Loving self – an alternative path II
Last week we started out on an exploration of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model for developing and loving self. This is being presented as an alternative approach to strategies that seek to help women attain happiness by listing a series of things they should do to find a suitable male companion.
We suggest a shift from equating your happiness to the presence of a male companion in your life. We invite you instead to enter a state of sustainable joy that is linked to unconditional love of yourself. Please note, loving self is a healthy practice and is by no means to be confused with being selfish.
In our look at the G and R aspects of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model, we emphasized the value of firm grounding and the importance of monitoring your progress in pursuit of clearly defined goals. Respect for self, for others, for time, for the environment and for God were central to the R zone of the model. This week we explore the O and W aspects of the model.
Open mindedness is the cornerstone of the O zone.
* Try to see the bigger picture. Do not be narrow in your outlook.
* Open your mind to new information. Be hungry for knowledge. Ask pertinent questions. Be inquisitive.
* Put new ideas and your cherished views to the test. Learn to distil facts.
* Pursue self-development. Get the education and training that will prepare you for the attainment of your goals.
* Anticipate and accept change. The only thing you can be sure about is that you will face rapid and frequent change.
It is important that you adopt an outlook that recognizes that traditional ‘book learning’ and academic intellect is not enough. You will have to develop your emotional intelligence. Learn to identify your true feelings and how to channel them into appropriate behaviour. Develop the skill to read and respond to the behavioural styles of other people and push yourself to slip more easily into behaviours with which you may be uncomfortable.
Learn from nature the fundamental truth that diversity is to be celebrated. Think, “not better not worse, just different”. Hone your skills in the areas of your ability to inspire trust and to bounce back from adversity. Embrace empathy, honesty and compassion.
Ugly O’s to avoid include obstinacy – you cannot always have your own way. Then there is objecting without good cause and without having listened first. Do not over-react. Throwing tantrums is not cute. Also, remember that obligations reduce your options. Do not be overly dependent!
Making a meaningful contribution to winning is one of the most important things you can learn to do. Winning covers over a multitude of shortcomings. Many people have tamed their spirit of dominance to the point that they actually fear the prospect of winning. This is sometimes manifested in a deliberate pattern of under-performance. Keep your competitive edge and try to cultivate the habit of doing your very best at all times. Get mentally ready to cope with your attainment of outstanding success.
Your command of words is a major determinant of your success. Even as you learn to use words to express yourself with precision, you need to develop the skill to listen to them effectively. So many of life’s challenges arise from ineffective listening. Take time to appreciate the presence of filters and screens when you communicate. You must also recognize that words represent only a small fraction of the message that you are sending to others. You have to take into consideration your body language, your tone and the position from which others are listening. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Work is the final aspect of the W zone that we will cover. Strive continually to move closer to earning your living by doing something that you find rewarding and satisfying. However, never under-perform in response to low financial rewards. Leave no doubt about your willingness to get the desired results. A tip that will enhance your productivity is to complete a high impact task first thing in the morning and then strive to maintain the momentum.
In the W zone, you need to watch out for the pitfalls of whining. Get proactive and bring solutions to the table. Avoid waste. Money saved is money earned. Aimless wandering is a no go. Make sure you can be found where you are posted.
Next week we will guide you through the T and H zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
Trevor & Althea Smith
The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions,, including the acclaimed “Success with People” series. E-mail: trevor.smith@extendeddisc.com
Last week we started out on an exploration of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model for developing and loving self. This is being presented as an alternative approach to strategies that seek to help women attain happiness by listing a series of things they should do to find a suitable male companion.
We suggest a shift from equating your happiness to the presence of a male companion in your life. We invite you instead to enter a state of sustainable joy that is linked to unconditional love of yourself. Please note, loving self is a healthy practice and is by no means to be confused with being selfish.
In our look at the G and R aspects of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model, we emphasized the value of firm grounding and the importance of monitoring your progress in pursuit of clearly defined goals. Respect for self, for others, for time, for the environment and for God were central to the R zone of the model. This week we explore the O and W aspects of the model.
Open mindedness is the cornerstone of the O zone.
* Try to see the bigger picture. Do not be narrow in your outlook.
* Open your mind to new information. Be hungry for knowledge. Ask pertinent questions. Be inquisitive.
* Put new ideas and your cherished views to the test. Learn to distil facts.
* Pursue self-development. Get the education and training that will prepare you for the attainment of your goals.
* Anticipate and accept change. The only thing you can be sure about is that you will face rapid and frequent change.
It is important that you adopt an outlook that recognizes that traditional ‘book learning’ and academic intellect is not enough. You will have to develop your emotional intelligence. Learn to identify your true feelings and how to channel them into appropriate behaviour. Develop the skill to read and respond to the behavioural styles of other people and push yourself to slip more easily into behaviours with which you may be uncomfortable.
Learn from nature the fundamental truth that diversity is to be celebrated. Think, “not better not worse, just different”. Hone your skills in the areas of your ability to inspire trust and to bounce back from adversity. Embrace empathy, honesty and compassion.
Ugly O’s to avoid include obstinacy – you cannot always have your own way. Then there is objecting without good cause and without having listened first. Do not over-react. Throwing tantrums is not cute. Also, remember that obligations reduce your options. Do not be overly dependent!
Making a meaningful contribution to winning is one of the most important things you can learn to do. Winning covers over a multitude of shortcomings. Many people have tamed their spirit of dominance to the point that they actually fear the prospect of winning. This is sometimes manifested in a deliberate pattern of under-performance. Keep your competitive edge and try to cultivate the habit of doing your very best at all times. Get mentally ready to cope with your attainment of outstanding success.
Your command of words is a major determinant of your success. Even as you learn to use words to express yourself with precision, you need to develop the skill to listen to them effectively. So many of life’s challenges arise from ineffective listening. Take time to appreciate the presence of filters and screens when you communicate. You must also recognize that words represent only a small fraction of the message that you are sending to others. You have to take into consideration your body language, your tone and the position from which others are listening. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Work is the final aspect of the W zone that we will cover. Strive continually to move closer to earning your living by doing something that you find rewarding and satisfying. However, never under-perform in response to low financial rewards. Leave no doubt about your willingness to get the desired results. A tip that will enhance your productivity is to complete a high impact task first thing in the morning and then strive to maintain the momentum.
In the W zone, you need to watch out for the pitfalls of whining. Get proactive and bring solutions to the table. Avoid waste. Money saved is money earned. Aimless wandering is a no go. Make sure you can be found where you are posted.
Next week we will guide you through the T and H zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
Trevor & Althea Smith
The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions,, including the acclaimed “Success with People” series. E-mail: trevor.smith@extendeddisc.com
Loving self – an alternative path I
Loving self – an alternative path I
Much interest has been generated by recent publications like "The Rules", a best-seller by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that purport to help females to attain happiness by finding a suitable male companion. There is considerable pressure on our young women to design and implement strategies that will lead to a relationship with a man, ideally ending in marriage. This focus on getting some sort of a relationship in place often pushes young women into making a series of bad choices. We suggest an alternative approach. We believe that the emphasis should be on developing and loving self.
The G.R.O.W.T.H. model that we present in this series provides a pathway to sustainable happiness that is not necessarily tied to having a man in your life. However, the beauty of the concept is that it inevitably produces the qualities that real men want to see in their life partners.
The G.R.O.W.T.H. model starts off with the need for Grounding. You need to get to know yourself and to become more comfortable with the person that you are. You are unique and you should learn to cherish that difference and be proud of yourself. The process of grounding is made so much easier if you use the anchor of a personal relationship with your Creator. This allows you better understand your true value and puts you in a position to be truly amazed by how richly blessed you are. Accept your self worth. Do not allow past experiences and the opinion of others to snatch away the treasures that are yours.
From the solid platform on which you now stand, you can put in place a new vision of the future. The unwavering commitment to yourself and to your future that you make must be directed by clear goals.
* Start the process by preparing a comprehensive list of possibilities.
* Do not eliminate any idea while you are preparing the list.
* Write down the things that you have dreamed about in your private moments.
* Add to that a list of things that you like to do or that you find really interesting.
* Jot down those areas in which you think you can perform better than many others.
* Make a note of anything that people have said that you are good at doing.
* Take time to examine every item on the list carefully, even if the option appears to be highly unlikely on the surface.
* Do not get bogged down by your realities. In all likelihood you are going to have to shake loose from some of them if you are going to soar to new heights.
* Discuss the list with friends and mentors, even at the risk of appearing to have lost your sanity.
* Gather as much information as possible about each item on your list.
On completion of the information gathering exercise (one month?), you need to identify the things that are relevant to the vision that you have for yourself. Write down what you could reasonably stretch yourself to achieve in those areas within specified time frames (3 – 6 months, 12 – 18 months, 3 years, 5 years).
Spell out the things that will indicate that you have achieved your targets. You will also need yardsticks that will help you to know how much progress you are making. Now you are grounded with clear goals that give direction and purpose to your life.
While in the G zone, it is important to avoid the pitfalls of greed, gossiping and goofing off. Any one of these has the potential to derail your plans.
You are now ready to move the R zone of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
* Respect is the cornerstone of this aspect. Respect for self, for others, for time, for the environment, for God.
* Then you are required to take responsibility for your actions and for how life unfolds for you. Blaming others is not a useful practice.
* You should also make every effort to be more responsive. The spirit of volunteerism is dying. Be a willing, caring soul and move to the front of the pack. When the answers to your ‘What’s in it for me?’ questions are linked to benefits to accrue to someone else you know that you are on the right track.
* References play an important role in our lives. The trick is to ensure that wherever we interact with people, we will have given them every reason to present us in a favourable light.
* A central building block of the R zone is reading. Reclaim several hours per week and channel them into reading worthwhile material. Keep abreast of current events, provide spiritual food for your soul and deepen your understanding of topics that are of interest to you.
As you go through this process, you will marvel at how much more interesting and meaningful your conversations have become. By the time you get well entrenched into this phase, you will notice that your interaction with others will have a new edge to it and people may already be making a special effort to be in your company.
Key pitfalls to avoid in the R zone include a spirit that requires revenge. In a world that is degenerating into acceptance of the eye for an eye philosophy, people who are long-suffering and ready to forgive will be very special. Be one of those persons.
Next week we will guide you through the O and W zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
Trevor & Althea Smith
The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions, including the acclaimed "Success with People" series.
Much interest has been generated by recent publications like "The Rules", a best-seller by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that purport to help females to attain happiness by finding a suitable male companion. There is considerable pressure on our young women to design and implement strategies that will lead to a relationship with a man, ideally ending in marriage. This focus on getting some sort of a relationship in place often pushes young women into making a series of bad choices. We suggest an alternative approach. We believe that the emphasis should be on developing and loving self.
The G.R.O.W.T.H. model that we present in this series provides a pathway to sustainable happiness that is not necessarily tied to having a man in your life. However, the beauty of the concept is that it inevitably produces the qualities that real men want to see in their life partners.
The G.R.O.W.T.H. model starts off with the need for Grounding. You need to get to know yourself and to become more comfortable with the person that you are. You are unique and you should learn to cherish that difference and be proud of yourself. The process of grounding is made so much easier if you use the anchor of a personal relationship with your Creator. This allows you better understand your true value and puts you in a position to be truly amazed by how richly blessed you are. Accept your self worth. Do not allow past experiences and the opinion of others to snatch away the treasures that are yours.
From the solid platform on which you now stand, you can put in place a new vision of the future. The unwavering commitment to yourself and to your future that you make must be directed by clear goals.
* Start the process by preparing a comprehensive list of possibilities.
* Do not eliminate any idea while you are preparing the list.
* Write down the things that you have dreamed about in your private moments.
* Add to that a list of things that you like to do or that you find really interesting.
* Jot down those areas in which you think you can perform better than many others.
* Make a note of anything that people have said that you are good at doing.
* Take time to examine every item on the list carefully, even if the option appears to be highly unlikely on the surface.
* Do not get bogged down by your realities. In all likelihood you are going to have to shake loose from some of them if you are going to soar to new heights.
* Discuss the list with friends and mentors, even at the risk of appearing to have lost your sanity.
* Gather as much information as possible about each item on your list.
On completion of the information gathering exercise (one month?), you need to identify the things that are relevant to the vision that you have for yourself. Write down what you could reasonably stretch yourself to achieve in those areas within specified time frames (3 – 6 months, 12 – 18 months, 3 years, 5 years).
Spell out the things that will indicate that you have achieved your targets. You will also need yardsticks that will help you to know how much progress you are making. Now you are grounded with clear goals that give direction and purpose to your life.
While in the G zone, it is important to avoid the pitfalls of greed, gossiping and goofing off. Any one of these has the potential to derail your plans.
You are now ready to move the R zone of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
* Respect is the cornerstone of this aspect. Respect for self, for others, for time, for the environment, for God.
* Then you are required to take responsibility for your actions and for how life unfolds for you. Blaming others is not a useful practice.
* You should also make every effort to be more responsive. The spirit of volunteerism is dying. Be a willing, caring soul and move to the front of the pack. When the answers to your ‘What’s in it for me?’ questions are linked to benefits to accrue to someone else you know that you are on the right track.
* References play an important role in our lives. The trick is to ensure that wherever we interact with people, we will have given them every reason to present us in a favourable light.
* A central building block of the R zone is reading. Reclaim several hours per week and channel them into reading worthwhile material. Keep abreast of current events, provide spiritual food for your soul and deepen your understanding of topics that are of interest to you.
As you go through this process, you will marvel at how much more interesting and meaningful your conversations have become. By the time you get well entrenched into this phase, you will notice that your interaction with others will have a new edge to it and people may already be making a special effort to be in your company.
Key pitfalls to avoid in the R zone include a spirit that requires revenge. In a world that is degenerating into acceptance of the eye for an eye philosophy, people who are long-suffering and ready to forgive will be very special. Be one of those persons.
Next week we will guide you through the O and W zones of the G.R.O.W.T.H. model.
Trevor & Althea Smith
The Smiths are directors of INFOSERV INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, an Accredited Training Organization. They have been happily married since 1972 and have been engaged in providing coaching for their 3 daughters and for groups and corporations in personal development workshop sessions, including the acclaimed "Success with People" series.
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